Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
