Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
