Will you blow on my dice?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
