Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
