I want to have your abortion
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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