I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
