Don't you send me to vm
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
