My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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