I didn't shave. On purpose
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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