I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
