so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
