What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
