i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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