Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
