did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
