He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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