i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
