adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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