I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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