A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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