carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
