If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
