I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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