Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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