I just threw up on my dentist
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
