we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize