therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
