Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
