I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
