Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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