Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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