she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize