his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
