so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
