Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
