So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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