the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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