girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
