she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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