I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
