i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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