hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
