an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
is that a dick in a sweater?
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