just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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