I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
