I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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