I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
