you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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