I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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