I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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