I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Im part way to drunk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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