Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
