When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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