I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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