I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
