I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
