i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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