it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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