I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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