He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
