I wanna passion pit in your ass
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
