and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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