True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
