Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
4 words: hood of his car
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
