i don't plan on having that self control this summer
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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