definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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