Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
