I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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