Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how drunk are you?
Several
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
