I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
