at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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