You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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