i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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