God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
