I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I came so hard my ears popped.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
