She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
