I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
