bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
