He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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